Tip of the Month
  How much does Chemistry Matter? – Married At First Sight   Last year a show caught my eye, because of how outrageous it seemed.  I couldn&rsquo...;
Phyllis on the Radio
  Click Here
Radio Shows
Intuitive Coaching HOME Version
In this 4 hour, 8 audio
session course, you will
  Money Probably Won't

Money probably won't make you happy, but there's something that will

Study after study has shown wealth has surprisingly little effect on how happy you are. Most of us tend to think that if we just made a bit more money, we'd get more satisfaction out of life or have a greater sense of well-being. But on the whole, this turns out not to be true. So why doesn't money make us happy?  Recent Research suggests the answer lies, at least in part, in how wealthier people lose touch with their ability to savor life's pleasures.

Savoring is a way of increasing and prolonging our positive experiences. When we focus on what we are doing in the moment, when we eagerly anticipate something or relish our memories of it, and when we relive it by describing it to others, we are savoring -- and in the process we are enhancing our own happiness. Taking time to experience the subtle flavors in a piece of dark chocolate, imagining the fun you'll have on an upcoming vacation (and leafing through your trip photos afterward) and telling all your friends on Facebook about the hilarious movie you saw over the weekend -- these are all acts of savoring, and they help us squeeze every bit of joy out of the good things that happen to us.

Why, then, don't wealthier people savor if it feels so good? It's obviously not for a lack of things to savor. The basic idea is that when you have the money to eat at fancy restaurants every night and buy designer clothes from chic boutiques, those experiences diminish the enjoyment you get out of the simpler, more everyday pleasures, like the smell of a steak sizzling on your backyard grill or the bargain you got on the sweet little sundress from Target.

These new studies show people who have higher incomes spend significantly less time savoring their experiences than their relatively poorer peers do. Interestingly, just being exposed to images of wealth can dampen your savoring skills! In one study college students who had recently seen a photo of a stack of money spent far less time eating a bar of chocolate -- gulping it down rather than relishing each bite -- and displayed far fewer signs of enjoyment than those students who hadn't seen the money. Just thinking about wealth can make us lose sight of the good things happening to us right now.

Part of the reason I found these studies so interesting is they fit so well with some of my own experiences. A few months ago, my mother was visiting me in NYC, and we decided to treat ourselves to a special dinner at a particularly good restaurant in Little Italy. We got ourselves all dolled up for the occasion in dresses, jewelry and high heels (as the mother of two small, messy children, you'll typically find me in t-shirts, yoga pants, and running shoes). I was even carrying my one designer handbag -- which I bought at an outlet and treat like it's made of gold. I remember thinking in the taxi on the way down to the restaurant how much fun it was to dress up for a change. And then it occurred to me that if I did this sort of thing all the time, I probably wouldn't enjoy it at all. I thought about what a shame that would be and wondered if being rich could turn out to be, in some sense, surprisingly boring.

The good news is that you don't have to take a vow of poverty to be really happy and appreciate your experiences to their fullest -- even rich people can set themselves the goal of savoring more once they realize they aren't doing enough of it. Really, no matter how much money we have -- or how little -- we could all do with a bit more savoring of life's simple pleasures.

The trick is actually remembering to do it -- and that's where "if-then" planning comes in. If you want to remember to do something, decide when and where you are going to do it in advance. People are, on average, 200-300 percent more likely to achieve their goal if they use this form of planning. So, if you want to remember to savor, you could make plans like the following:

  • If I am eating, then I will remember to do it slowly and think about how my food tastes.
  • If I have a success at work, then I will tell my friends and family about what happened.
  • If I see something beautiful, then I will stop, soak it in and feel fortunate to have seen it.

Make savoring life's little pleasures your goal and create plans for how to inject more savoring into each day, and you will significantly increase your happiness and well-being much more than (or even despite) your growing riches. And if your riches aren't actually growing, then savoring is still a great way to truly appreciate what you do have.


Courtesy of Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D


Phyllis on the Web
Blog Icon   Blog
Header Face Book   Facebook
Myspace Icon   MySpace
Twitter Icon   Twitter
  Advertising Opportunities  
All about LOVE Class 3 Minutes